Super Hottt Black Friday Dealz!!!

"Tell me you at least got something. A camera, TV, laptop, anything! Don't make this be for nothing!"

It's less than a week now until the biggest shopping day of the year. Well, the day is the same size, relatively, as other days. But people spend more money. It is...[booming echo voice] BLACK FRIDAY!!!

Shouldn't we call it African American Friday? Oh, that joke is old you say? I wonder if casinos do special roulette promotions on Black Friday. Do other countries that don't celebrate American Thanksgiving have a similar shopping day? Probably Cyber Monday. (I know, saying "cyber" automatically implies "cyber-sex." Who coined the term anyways?)

Black Friday starts a day early this year on Thursday. That's right, thousands of people will be taken away from their families on Thanksgiving so that you can save 20% on a low quality electronics device and/or possibly be trampled to death / trample others to death.

That's for real really stupid. The whole thing is really stupid. You know you're not even buying Christmas gifts for loved ones. You're buying things for yourself. The only things that people buy for other people on Black Friday are dollar bin DVDs.

Most of the time the hassle isn't even worth it. Endure long lines of assholes and fight huge crowds and traffic to buy a 50-inch-class TV at $299 on Black Friday. Or buy it online for the regular price of $359 and have it delivered to your front door. Sure it's more money, but not that much more and you don't have to deal with chaos. It's just not worth it, you guys.

Sure it can be fun. Like going to a sporting event. You get the rush and thrill of adrenaline of being in a mob. Very rarely do we get to flex our primordial combat muscles in this modern world.

Have I mentioned how low-end the stuff for sale usually is? It's crap. Do some research. Don't just buy because it's cheap and has similar appearance and functions to what you want.

I guess people just want to have a story to tell. "Good color on that TV, huh? Nice and big. I waited in line for 3 hours for that. Got the last one. Saved $75 off the normal price. You're darn right I know how to get a good deal. I don't know, I hadn't heard of that brand either but it seems real nice."

So here are your top retailers with their top dealz. I was going to write out the highlights, but that's way too much work. Visit blackfriday.com to view all of the ads.

To me, one of the better dealz seems to be buying an iPad at Target. It's $20 less than buying at Apple and you get a $100 Target gift card. I mean, if you were going to get one anyways.

p.s. Remember Rebecca Black and her hit song "Friday"??? I'll bet search engine results are disappointing some people around this time of year.